(no subject)

Ruts are nothing fun to have and nothing fun to deal with along with people's misconception about who I am, what I am and what I like. Most people think I am an extreme extrovert which that cannot be further from the truth. I grew up going to multiple large family functions and grew use to having a lot of people around me especially since my dads side of the family 3rd cousins included is huge. I prefer the company of friends who have been around for a long time who I can call family and have treated me as such and sometimes I don't prefer them or even my husband as a matter of fact because there are times I want to be left alone. I may not be a full introvert as it may be called or labeled I hate labels by the way intensely but that's what I am a bit of an introvert and it takes a bit despite what people may think before i actually consider including them into my life and its sadly done with extreme care due to something i dealt with once. The only reason I can even tolerate being in big groups is from that so called training I had as a child with big family functions. And honestly I doubt anyone will ever really know me because well after learning that I could be hurt by someone close to me I've closed up a bit actually a lot and i am surprised i am even opening up on lj about it. Probably has to due with the mood I am in which is well I am just kinda feeling lost regarding myself and where and what I have done with my life and yes this is pretty much in correlation with the fact I am turning 31 and don't feel like I have a lot to show for it at all. Also not having the Internet really other than the phone plan has showed me that there is so much more to life than always web browsing and gaming. Don't get me wrong I like some of the social media stuff so I can just keep in touch with people but I know some people are so immersed in it that anyone who they know who doesn't have access becomes a small unimportant blip on the screen that's unnoticed. I find that to be very sad and well must admit that I have felt it and know what it feels like to be that little unimportant blip. But that is life and another way to find out who is a close family member worth getting to know along with friends vs someone who is just there and tolerating you for the moment. I'm sorry for this pretty well long and rather topic switching post this is more venting than anything else . Now back to the whole rut that I mentioned earlier I woke up this morning not feeling happy or sad just woke up not glad about anything, petted Ciara and just staring out the window thinking its Sunday and I'm up. More importantly that I am alive still and waking up to the same morning routine that never ever changes. I guess I was expecting there to be more out of life than this humdrum that I am experiencing but we all have expectations for life that never really happen or know others that it comes easy for and you begin to wonder where the fuck did I go wrong in the grand scheme of things? I also find it funny that I want to be a house wife because I feel that I have given up so much working 40+ hours a week at one job and then my little bakery business that I wish I could only but can't and do along side the other job take up my time. There are things that I use to do that I felt defined me that I no longer have time to do, also I feel my husbands constant procrastination intruding on me more and more and find my self letting things go to shit which is not me at all not how I use to be anyway. I liked getting things done first so resting and relaxing can follow and things would stay clean and neat. When I try to do anything now it get told to relax so I do that and then I ask for something because I am relaxing and I get a look of and sometimes told so do it yourself or your lazy and it's like really now or my favorite one (not really) is that I have a man servant. Seriously it pisses me off. Its a freaking double edged sword same thing goes for my weight and that itself is a sore subject to begin with especially that no one believes i am trying and the fact that i have a thin husband who eats more than i do i get the whole you should give him your food he is too thin and constantly reminding people i do give him more. Its so damn frustrating. I am going to stop for now because I feel like I am getting worked up a bit from venting. Post to be possible continued in the near future.


boy is this account dusty!!
*shakes it off*
There are a lot of things that have happened that I could
go over but nah not going to.
Life wise things are fine, still married, still at
the same complex, still have the same two cats, same job &
just doing a lot of baking and a lot of thinking.*shrugs* eh
Its hot, thought I would mention that.
I think tonight will consist of making cake pops
and watching Hook, got offered to go to a BBQ and fireworks
show tonight but Neils working and I don't feel like driving to Madera
by myself. moving is still on the board just saving and
pretty much sacrificing a Europe trip but its worth it.
que sara sara what ever will be will be...
Ciara & Pippineventually moving to this place

(no subject)
Sunday I get a whole day to myself.
* brimming with excitement*
Yes i am excited.. I miss my solitary time.
I am either going to go on a cleaning benge-the apt needs it
or i am going to chill and read/movies/game it up for the day.
Might be able to all of that if i decide to clean up tonight or
tomorrow morning. neil has been a bad influence regarding that. I went from cleaning
up everyday when i got home to once every 2-3 weeks... I do not approve
so I am going to just start it up again cause I perfer spending 45 min a day
cleaning up to have free weekends vs spending 8 hours cleaning up on saturday.
yeah I deep clean cause of the cats they are shedding like crazy!

freaking family politics
So there is a big battle going on again in the family over
monetary compensation for land left in a will in the old country.
Of course every time something blows up my grandmother gets injured
recently she has cracked 1-2 of her ribs Of course the way I found out
upset me as well being it was a day later during a graduation party.
hello of course i am going to be so angry that I cry when you tell me this
stuff cause its my grandmother she helped raise me for petes sake!!!
So my grandmother has seen a doctor and has been told to really take it easy
and not do too much inorder for her ribs to heal. with this argument over the
land though I don't see that happening any time soon cause when she stresses
just like I do she keeps doung stuff to get her mind off of it.
the land is being spilt into several = sections amongst the living in the will
and the children of the deceased that have died before this was settled.
Of course the latoners are cauing issues demanding more money and wanting
to not include a member of their own family because there was no offical will
leaving that to them. freaking money grubbers... SO now we have to get a lawyer and
a land surveyor back in on Terciera to make sure that we are getting every bit of
money the land is actually worth and what is due to our side of the family-roughly after
conversion is only 4-5000 american dollars to bad my mom doesn't just keep in it the
euro since they are due to go back in 2 years but to each there own.

Well after the wedding cake delivery tomorrow I am taking two weeks off
from baking so that I can focus on finishing packing and of course unpacking.
The 12th can't get herer any sooner but at least there will be power in the new unit
just have to wait for all the mail to catch up.
If everything goes as planned after this lease is up
we will be buying a house either in the country or in the fig
garden loop area only time will tell.
Hope everyone is having a great day.
Take care.

While going through stuff that I own, I have uncovered items that were given to me.
These items make me reminisce about friends who have passed on and friends that
are no longer friends and I wish that we could be.
But the reality of it is its all in the past and these items
may make someone else happy vs bringing me sorrow at a memory..
In the yard sale they go to hopefully be someone elses item.
Its just a depressing kinda week..

(no subject)
lets see... Ninja turtle cake, 200 cake pops and moving....
pretty much all to say really

(no subject)
bake cakes.... pack....make cake pops.. pack.. make fondant... pack...
cut, stack and fill cakes..... pack.....
as you can see this is going to be my repetative mode for a while XD

(no subject)

So this weekend not only will I be doing some cake pops and an angry bird cake order
packing will commence! Yep we will be transfering into a different unit in May so
everything will need to be probably packed and put away. Honestly I am pretty ok with
this because not only will we finally be in a place far away from our psycho neighbor
but we are going to have a yard sale and get rid of alot of extra stuff that we
have that we don't need. A few swords, some figures, books, glasses, some furniture and etc. The extra cash is going to be put away in the bank or used to help in the moving process. Hopefully there will be a single level apartment with a covered patio availible
if so I think we are going to snag it. Kitties won't be able to hang out by themselves on the patio but it will make things alot easier tbh. I think I am going to look into getting a screen of somesorts to put up to keep them and others out cause there are
alot of strays in the complex. Can't wait till May comes its gonna be a blast!


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